The coolest movie ever!

A quick look at what hopefully turns into #2.

Birthday Recap

Ella turned 3.  Holy Hell how do I have a three year old.  I finally downloaded the pictures.  Her birthday was on a weekday this year so she had a party at daycare and then we met her bff and family for ice cream.

The Birthday Girl on the way to school!

Mommy and Little E

Waiting for our friends.  Look at that pincer grip

Ella catches sight of her BFF, I think she was excited!

Birthday ice cream cone!

cheers

"We match"  E and M have this thing that if they have the same thing they put them together and say we match.  It is super cute.

Yum

Baby A

BFF's holding hands

Hugs goodbye

More hugs

Happy Birthday Girl!

We had her party on Saturday at our house.  As usual I didn't take enough and the person who was taking pictures while she opened presents put the camera on a wacky setting so they didn't turn out so great.  Someday when I am rich I will hire a photographer to take pictures at my parties.  I did so much better last year.  I didn't get any good pictures of the shirt I made E or the matching bunting.  My mil has a picture of the three of us.  I need to check with her and my bil to see what pictures they got.  Anyway.  It was hotter than the surface of the sun but we hung out outside and then went inside for cake and presents.  E loved being the center of attention and it was really fun.  My cake turned out well.  I was happy with the colors but my practice cake actually tasted better.  I used whole eggs on the big cake and egg yolks on the practice.  It was still really yummy though.

Trying to stay cool

Cake table

The cake...my niece told me it was very plain and wondered why.

Blowing out the candles

Almost

Inside....not so plain!

opening presents

The best shot of the shirt.  Bad lighting and pose but it was really cute.

coding

Most people when they hear you a teacher immediately say oh you are so lucky you have your summer off.  These people don't really know very many teachers.  Most of us spend our summer months working summer jobs and taking classes.  While I do spend many days recharging and relaxing I would say I spend an equal number working.  The bonus is that I don't have those pesky kids to get in my way.  I love my job and the kids are the best part but holy hell I would get so much more accomplished if those kids didn't slow me down so much (I kid...kind of).

This summer I have attended a couple of workshops (one for grad credit) and am now working on a research project.  I am helping analyze data for a research project looking at the efficacy of technology rich professional development programs.  A few summers ago I worked on the project interviewing subjects and then summarizing interviews.  Now I am coding the qualitative data from a teacher survey.  Ugh it is so tedious.  I keep repeating $$$$$ to myself to keep myself going.  These teachers like to fill those open response sections with lots of words.  With little E's birthday party last Saturday I have not had very much time to work on my task and now I need to finish by tonight/tomorrow morning.  I worked a ton yesterday and set the alarm this morning so I could work before E got up and Shazam left.  I squeezed in some more time while E napped and will be locking myself in a room tonight as soon as Shazam returns so I can get this done.  So much for that image of teachers sipping mojitos at the beach.  E just got up so we are going to brave the outside and go to the pool for a little bit then home for dinner and more coding!!!!  At least it looks like this weeks work will pay for another month of Montessori.

Part 3

I spent most of that second night trying to sleep but between the nurses in the corner of my room staring at me.  I don't think they left the room (seizure watch perhaps?).  Anyway I was awake when the herd came to round the next morning.  They reported that I was holding steady and the plan was to keep me pregnant until 48 hours after my first steroid shot (beta complete).  I don't think that I noted that I was getting blood drawn every 4 hours to check my platelet levels, kidney and liver function.  Pretty much they were waiting for my levels to get bad enough that it was too dangerous to be pregnant.  So as of really early o'clock I was doing fine (well as fine as one is with severe pre-eclampsia).  

Around 9 am the herd returned which I took as a bad sign.  It turned out that my liver and kidneys decided to crap out on me.  The time had come.  I woke Shazam up before they told us what was going to happen and we sat together to hear the plan.  Pretty much we were told we were having a baby asap I was next in line they said.  There was some urgency as the doctor told us that I was getting much to sick to stay pregnant.  I called my bff and told her the news and asked her to come.  Shazam called our parents and they started on there way to Boston.  We realized that we had no camera and my dad at some point ran to his car to get his.  We were already to go.  

Then hospital time happened.  We waited for about 3 hours.  When the mfm and the resident finally came in to talk to us before the c-section I had to make fun of the resident who told me 3 hours ago that things were going to happen fast.  Turns out there were two other women/babies that were more critical than me and bumped me out of line.  Quite frankly I will wait three hours if it means I was only the 3rd sickest person on the floor.  Since I was pretty sick at this point they must have been in rough shape.  At this point I was scared shitless but I decided that I was going to put no energy into stressing out and or trying to control what was going to happen.  At this point what ever was going to happen would happen.  The only request that I had for the doctor when she checked in with me before the section was that she go and get herself into a good place.  Her response was that in the operating room she is always in a good place.  Exactly what I needed to hear.  I wanted only positive energy when the baby was born.  They took me back to the OR and Shazam stayed back to change into her scrubs.

Back in operating room I got my spinal from the anesthesiologist.  She then told me that she had sent a resident to go find my husband.  I told her the poor boy would be looking for a while since I had a wife.  Once I was numbed up and laying on the table Shazam came in and things got started.  I must say it was one of the strangest experiences of my life.  I couldn't feel anything from my chest down but I could tell they were moving me around since my shoulders were moving around.  Wacky.  We were told that the baby might not cry when he/she came out and were happy to hear our feisty little one cry  when she was born.  We had been team green until this point and were so happy to know that we had a daughter!  The nicu team was working on her and told Shazam she could go over and see her and take a picture.  That would have required Shazam to walk on the other side of the curtain and to keep from adding a third patient in the room she stayed put.  So the Neo took our camera and snapped a few pictures of of Little E pretty much at her littlest. 

Getting some help breathing a few minutes old.

First Kiss

 After a Little E was checked out by the nicu team they brought her over for a quick kiss and then she was brought to the nicu.  I later learned by reading her chart that she scored a 2 and a 4 on her apgars.  I am very glad that I didn't know that at the time.  I think I would have flipped out.  Once E was on her way things in the OR were pretty light.  My theory was if the doctors could chat and make jokes then things we going ok.  After being sewn up I was returned to my room and waited to be transferred to the to the maternity floor.  We didn't get to go until about 8 pm since we needed to wait for the nurse shift change.  They wheeled my gurney into the nicu and I finally got a good look at my girl.  She was intubated at that point and had both an umbilical line and peripheral iv in her hand.  She looked so wiped out but already had little curls on her head.  Her preemie diaper was huge on her and the tape flaps that attach the diaper on each side actually overlapped.

on the vent resting on her nest

my first good look

It took me another week to get discharged.  I still wasn't right.  I knew it but the chief resident really didn't listen.  I ended up back in labor triage 2 times and was almost readmitted that many times.  I had to get my bp checked everyday at the clinic for about 2 weeks and was on my bp medication for 9 months.  Little E would spend the next 69 days in the nicu with all the ups and downs that entails.  There were great times and horrible ones.  Days were they pull you in a room with serious faces and tell you they were concerned about this or that.  Others were we got to do regular mommy things like give our baby a bath.  We learned to just go with it, and now three years later, we have this funny little curly haired little girl. We call her the mayor and she chats with everyone.  She is pretty proud to be three and is doing great.  How far we have come in three years!

I interrupt this terriversary with some cake!

So although I have not finished Ella's birth story I needed to post tonight a happy story.

Ella had a great birthday and was showered with a wonderful day. Daycare was decorated with balloons and as soon as she got in the room all Angelica, Violetta, Grisella and Carmen gave her lots of hugs and kisses. Ella happily told anyone who would listen that it was her birthday. She had chocolate cake and a wonderful homemade card from all her friends. To end the day we grabbed a slice of pizza at whole foods and then met e's BFF for ice cream. It was a great day.

While E was at daycare. I decided that I wanted to try to make a orange and pink ombré cake. Damn you pinterest damn you. I am glad I did a practice cake as I learned some things.

Two of the cake colors after mixing

Two cakes in the oven

the cakes cooled and  leveled and ready to be iced

Crumb Coat

Frosted and very pretty!

with a slice out

An orange to pink ombre slice

I think it turned out pretty well but I will be making some changes for Saturday.  First I need to tone the color back a bit  I think a bit more of a pastel would be nicer.  It was a bit too much.  I also want to change the pink to a softer pink.  I went with the bright pink instead of the soft pink and i think that was a mistake.  The color differential was not what I wanted.  I want the layers to stand out a bit more.  I hope I will be able to pull this off for E's birthday this weekend.  Not bad for a first time and say that this is a pinterest success.  The challenge will be pulling this off with a bigger cake.  I used a 6 inch pan to make the practice one since I didn't want to waste a huge cake.  The cake was very soft so I may cut a little bit of the liquid in the cake since I think it would be a total mess to try to move the 10 inch layers without them totally breaking apart.  I may actually freeze them on cake rounds so I can actually stack the cake.  I also did an ok job leveling the small cakes by hand but I don't know how well I will do it with a larger circumference.  I am going to be a mess.  My plan is to bake the layers Friday and freeze them and then frost in the morning on Sat before the party.

Part 2

So I took a fast ride to the brigham in the the wee hours of the morning of the 9th.  Once I got there we had an ultrasound with a less than friendly tech who left Shazam and I in the ultrasound room and didn't tell anyone to bring me back to my room.  Once in the room I was hooked up to the monitors and left to bake literally for the next 24 hours.  They kept the room dark so I have no understanding of time.  I remember them rounding in the morning telling me I was doing ok.  At some point a neo came down and spoke with us but I have very little recollection of that.  At some point my parents came and stood at the end of my bed for a few minutes  I tried to make my mother feel better since I could tell she was freaking out.  I sent out a text message that can only be described as e e cummingsesque which freaked the recipients out more than I was trying too. Shazam left at some point to get some food with her bff who drove down.  I spoke with my bff but I don't know what I said.  Pretty much I don't remember much of what happened over the next 24 hours.  All I can really recall is that I was freaking hot.  Mag is the devil I swear.  I was convinced that I was going to spontaneously combust.  I sent Shazam to get me a mix of cranberry and apple juice with crushed ice.  I really wanted to lay in it.  We rounded out the day with the second steroid shot (ouch!).  Shazam snoozed on the couch/bed thing and I lay in bed on my side listening to the babies heart beat.  I was terrified.  I gave the baby pep talks and did some yoga breathing.  I must have slept some but I don't really remember it.  I mostly just tried to will my bp down and my liver and kidney function up.  It didn't work and the next day would be the day we met our daughter.

Terriversary pt 1

In the world of my fellow preemie moms we have anniversaries and we have terriversaries.  Anniversaries are those things that come every year that you look forward to while our terriversaries are the occasions that we dread that come every year whether we like it or not.  We all have them, the day a loved one died or when a bad break up happened.  They are the bad days the ones we crawl under the covers and just hope for the day to end.  Tonight marks one of those days for me.  It is the day my pregnancy went to shit.  It turned what should have been the happiest few days of my life to probably the most terrifying.

My pregnancy up until this point had been pretty uneventful.  Other than lots of puking in the first and part of the second trimester things had been going as planned.  Baby and I had both been looking good.    I started getting some headaches at some point in June nothing horrible but out of the norm for me.  Being the stubborn new englander I worked right through it.  One day at school I was feeling kind of strange so I went down to the school nurse to get my bp checked.  It was high for me.  So I called my ob's office.  I told them the reading I think it was 130/85.  The nurse at the ob told me it was fine and not to worry about it.  Looking back now I should have pushed to be seen.  My bp pre pregnancy was 90s/60s so while it wasn't all that high it was a substantial increase for me.  It was around that time that the swelling started.  My feet were pretty bad but I have a job where I was on my feet all day long.  It was hot.  I was pregnant.  I thought it was normal.  Looking back at this picture of me from the last week of school I was already starting to really swell up.

In early July I wasn't feeling great but knew I had a doctor's appointment coming up and thought I could hold out.  July 3rd I felt horrible but thought I must have over did it in the sun at a bbq.  The fourth I spent sitting with my cankles up.  I should have known there was a problem when I was wearing my wife's shoes (I wear a 6.5 and she wears an 8).  My crocks didn't even fit.

I was feeling better after the holiday and worked my nanny job on the 8th.  I picked up Sophie and her friend Ashley at tennis camp and cooked dinner for the family.  On the way home I talked to my bff Miche and as I pulled into the driveway I was telling her how I was doing great and how excited I was for the end of September to come.  We said our goodbyes and I went in to have some dinner.  I ate hummus and tabouli on pita.  I think there was grilled chicken in there all I remember is the tabouli when I barfed it up.  A little while after dinner I started feeling sick.  I had been having horrible heartburn for a while so I reached for my tums and started popping them.  At about 10 we decided to go to sleep.  I laid down for a few minutes and had to get up and went to the bathroom to get sick.  Thats when the tabouli came back and I must say I have yet to be able eat it again with any enjoyment since then.  I went back to lay down but was back up in minutes.  When I returned Shazam asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital. I immediately said yes.  It was one of those times that I just knew something was not right.  Shazam and I decided that I must have food poisoning or a terrible bug.  We never considered that there was something really wrong.We drove the 10 minutes to the Hospital and when we got there the staff was less than on top of things.  They told be to pretty much get in line to be seen.  I had to get up and go throw up again and when I returned to the waiting room a pain which I now know as epigastric pain took over.  I pretty much commanded Shazam to get me some help.  After a very direct conversation someone came and took me away in a wheel chair and took us up to maternity.

Once in a room the nurse asked me to pee in a cup and then tried to take my bp.  She couldn't get the bed bp cuff to work.  I am not sure if that is because it was too high or if the thing just wasn't working but as soon as she got a reading she left the room very quickly.  There was a doctor in my room a moment later.  My bp and what I assume was protein in my urine confirmed that I had developed pre eclampsia and that I was going to have to deliver in the next 48 hours.  We were terrified.  The doctor left to find me a bed at a hospital with a nicu that could handle a 30 week preemie.  I got a steroid shot to help develop the babies lungs, morphine to help with the pain, and I started mag (the fire drug).  I think Shazam ran home at this point to walk the dog and get some supplies but at that point I was high as a kite from the morphine that things were a little fuzzy.  After an ultra sound of my liver to make sure things hadn't gone really crappy there and a quick peak at the baby I was off to town with the sirens blaring and lights flashing.  I remember trying to give Shazam directions to the hospital which must have seemed crazy to the nurses but I am the navigator of the family and she had to drive alone.  By this point it was the wee hours of the 9th.

This is the day when it all changed. What every my birth plan had been and my plans for my babies infancy went down the drain with that freaking tabouli.