Thursday, December 24, 2009

But I don't want to!

So in less than 2 weeks I will need to pack up my computer, put on my big girl pants and go back to work. I of course need to find my big girl pants but that is the least of my worries. I can't believe that my maternity leave is almost over and that I will have to leave my wife and baby and go back to the real world. In some ways I am excited but I am mostly sad about it in a way that I can't put into words. I am a little more weepy these past few days (although having my period is not helping either). I am avoiding my school work like crazy and just trying to take in these last few days. Ella is napping in her swing right now and I am tempted to scoop her up for a snuggle but that old never wake a sleeping baby thing keeps repeating in my head. I will make it through this transition, hell if I could leave her at the hospital everyday with strangers every day I think I can leave her with her mother for a few hours a day for gods sake! I still have not figured out how I will be working out my morning so I at least get a little snuggle time with my girl in the morning but I sure will figure it out.

While I don't want to go back to work I am very excited for Christmas tomorrow. Our house is totally not decorated for the holidays. It just seemed like more than we could handle this year. With a baby, a dog , and a cat I just could handle it. So I am looking forward to going to my parents house today and show Ella the tree. I have always gone to my parents house on Christmas Eve and gone to church with them but I think this will be the last year we stay over. Since Ella has no idea about what is going on we decided to go hang with the grandparents this year but I am pretty sure that we will want to be at home for Santa next year. Speaking of Santa he will be stopping by tonight (well I hope!) I must say that wrapping Ella's Santa gifts made me feel like a Mommy more than almost everything else. I just felt like such a mom when I signed her gift tags in my newly adopted Santa handwriting. Ella is getting a toy and a book from Santa and 2 books from Mommy and Mama. Not much loot but I don't think she will really notice!

This Christmas is going to be the best! Our first a family of three! My heart is full and I am so thankful that we get the chance to celebrate together. I am going to go and snuggle my girls so I am off. Merry Christmas!

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