Goodbye Sweet Friend

I have been absent from blogging for about a month now. This absence is partly due to the big life changes over here at Darwin's mommies. In the last three weeks Little E started daycare, I went back to school to teach a new grade (6th), and Shazam started grad school for her master's in social work. To say that we have been busy would be and understatement. I have loads to blog about but there hasn't been much time around here to think about a post let alone actually write one.

Truthfully though the reason why I have not logged on and posted is that I knew I would have to write the post I am about to write and I just wasn't ready to do it. About three weeks ago our spunky puppy and name sake was hit by a car and killed. He got out of a door that was left ajar and was hit. It was terrible. I found him in the road outside our apartment and knew from far away that he was gone. Darwin would have been 12 in another month. I got him at an animal rescue when he was 8 months old. I got a beagle because I wanted to name him Darwin (I am that much of a geek). He was a naughty puppy and drove us all crazy. He was still driving us crazy 11 years later. He was smart but used it, as I used to say, for evil. He ate all sorts of things he shouldn't have over the years. Amazingly only getting really sick from things in his later years. Goat dog's stomach just wasn't what it used to be.

Darwin was a true friend to me through some really rough times. I had him from age 26-37 and so many things changed for me in that decade plus, but Darwin always remained by my side. He was the one living thing that saw me almost every day for that entire decade. He slept for years under the covers with me (until he was ousted by Sue a few years ago). He was the my greeter every time I came home and took a nap after school on the couch with me every afternoon. I cried many tears onto his soft ears.

For a while in my early 30s I was kind of lost. My friends all were couples and I just couldn't figure out where I fit in. I was just starting to figure out that I was gay and didn't quite know what to do with that either. It was during this time in my life that all I pretty much had was my Woobie dog. We drove to the white mountains to hike, camped on the farm in VT and snow shooed in the conservation land around home. He was more than just a dog to me he was a true friend.

Darwin was with me through the tough times, went on Shazam and my second date, loved Shazam even though he knew he was replaced a bit by her. This last year had been rough for the hound who was just finally accepting the new "puppy" into the pack. Ella's early arrival and the chaos that followed stressed my old friend a bit. But over time he was warming to Ella and her constant attention. He particularly enjoyed Ella's treats that she dropped off the high chair. Ella's first word was DiDi and for a few days crawled around the house looking for her DiDi calling his name. Now she sees his picture and says DiDi. It is sad to know that she won't remember having a dog but we will tell her all about her big brother and how much he loved her.

It is quiet around here without Darwin to let us know when the mail arrives or when it is time to eat. To say that I miss him just doesn't do it. I kind of feel like I am missing part of myself. Before I had Sue I had Darwin, before I had Ella I had Darwin. My family just feels a little incomplete without him here.

I can say confidently that I don't know if I would have made it through the last decade without him and while I know I will, I don't really know how I will get through the next decade with him gone.

I picture him asleep curled up like a cinnamon roll on a cloud in dog heaven eating as many chicken wings he can find hidden in the clouds. I hope I get the chance to see him again and kiss his soft head and scratch his favorite spot on his chest. I miss you my sweet woobie. You will always have two mommies that love you so very much.