Today is my due date. I have been pretty much dreading this day since it reminds me of what could have been. Today I should be bitching about still being pregnant or cuddling with my new baby on the couch while we watch the Patriots season opener. But we all know that is not the case. I am happily surprised that this day has not been as bad as it could have been. Yes Ella is still in the hospital but the end is near my friends and I think that has helped balance me out.
It has been a real roller coaster of a week though. Ella had a transfusion last week and did really well and was so pink the day after (I guess we didn't know how pale she was) and I thought we were good to go for Saturday. Then she got her 2 month shots and all went to shit! She was spelling like crazy and was once again spelling in her sleep. She had not done this in weeks and I lost it. For one of the first times in this whole thing I broke down and cried in the NICU. Don't get me wrong there have been plenty of tears shed in the last 2 plus months but I generally held it together while I was in the hospital. I was just so done with being there, sick of that bloody alarm going off, sad my baby was still in the hospital, and just tired from the whole experience. One of our primary nursed was there handed me a box of tissues and told me that Ella was going to be ok and would go home soon. I was ordered to go out and have some fun and relax a bit so we met Ella's former doctor and her bf out for drinks and to watch some football. I felt much better the next day and so did Ella.
Things since then have improved and it seems that Ella may be home on Wednesday morning!!!! She has a doctors appointment on Thursday with her pediatrician, visiting nurse will be coming on Friday and she has an appointment for an eye exam as an outpatient next week. Her car seat is sitting next to her crib in the hospital and will do her car seat test tomorrow night. We are due to arrive at the hospital to pick her up at 10:30 am on Wednesday! I of course will not feel confident about this until the girl is in the car and we are driving away!
People keep asking us if we are ready for Ella to be home, and boy are we ready. I can't wait to just be home and not have to go anywhere. I look forward to being able to walk around with her and not be tethered to a monitor, I can't wait to be able to breastfeed with only Ella and Shazam in the room, I want to give my baby a bath in her tubby in the sink and not have to peel off her lead stickers, I want to watch tv with her and try to catch her up on top chef and project runway, and I want to blog while I try to keep her happy in her bouncy seat. So yeah I am ready for her to be home.
We are ready and so is she. She's come along way. Its been hell, but it is so worth it.