Perspective

Ah, perspective.  It's one of those things that I think we could all use from time to time.  I know it's something I certainly need.  I'm one of those people unfortunately that is inside my noodle a lot, stressing about...well you name it.  I get wrapped up in what don't have or what I want to have or get discouraged about what I know I'll never have.  It's not one of my better qualities and causes me to lose sleep often, but it's just me.  So from time to time, I need perspective and often remind myself it's all just "stuff".  "Stuff" doesn't buy you happiness.  I think it's just so easy to get wrapped up in what you don't have and feel like in some way you've failed.  

Well my perspective came from my wife this morning in an e-mail letting me know she went to a local Dunkin' Donuts to get coffee.  It's a little bit of what I would call a "sketchy" DD in an area that I would say isn't economically thriving (ok, so what IS right now in our economy?!).  SSG was in line to order and apparently there was a woman, probably homeless, asking people to buy her coffee and asking the DD workers for coffee.   All the woman wanted was coffee and everyone was ignoring her or saying "no".  It's true she could have been an alcoholic or had a drug problem and I know some people refuse to help people like that because they don't want to contribute to the habit....but....the woman just wanted a $2.50 fucking cup of coffee!  Not surprisingly, my wife who has a huge heart bought her a large cup of coffee.  It's one of the reasons I love her so much.  She's just good people.

So while I get discouraged that I can't provide a house for my family and that we can't go on fancy vacations every year, we do have a nice apartment, we have jobs, we have a great marriage, and great families.  We can go out and buy coffee and that is a good dose of perspective. 

Beginnings

This seems to be the season for beginnings with our friends of late and I guess for us too. This whole process of making our family grow has gotten me really thinking about how great it is that as humans we get to start over again in big and in small ways every day, every season, every year.

Our good friend Jen is just beginning a new chapter in her life today. It is her Birthday which is exciting but even more exciting is that she went to court today to sign her divorce papers. While many might think that may be the worst way to spend her birthday it does allow her to have a fresh start for her new year and one that she truly deserves. So it is the end of manipulation, abuse, thievery and the fear. So Jen gets to begin again with the all the possibilities that she can imagine. She is stronger than she ever thought she could be and in the end she won because she gets to begin her new life knowing that she always stayed true to who she is deep down in her soul. So cheers to you Jen and for everyone who is brave enough to begin again.

Who would have known it.

I think that my wife is a better blogger than I am. While I started the blog Shazam has certainly taken to blogging and I am so glad that she has. Since this blog is now about expanding our little family I think it is important to get the full story from both the mommies.

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Since we are in a holding pattern for the next 30 days we have been nesting like crazy. To date we have organized the bathroom cabinet, bought a new hallway cabinet and desk, cleaned out the closet in the extra bedroom and cleaned out our extra clothes and put away our summer clothes. While this is some good progress we still need to tackle the front hall closet and the storage in the laundry room. Shazam has also started a very large project that will probably take up until the birth of our first child to complete...the organization of her sports card collection. When we started dating I soon found out that Shazam collected cards. I thought it was cute and often picked up a pack or two as a small gift. It was not until we were moving in together that I learned the full extent of Shazams collection. There are thousands of cards in the collection. So in preparation of turning the crap room into a nursery we need to find a better way to store the cards. So Shazam has started the sorting and culling process. So more than any of our other projects we have started thus far. This one feels like we are getting closer to switching the crap room into the nursery of our dreams. Perhaps this collection will pay for baby X's college education.

Ok, now THAT freaked me out...

So now that there won’t be any baby-making talk for a little while, I’m sorry to say all of our 3 readers will need to listen to my babble about whatever. Though I think that is what blogging is right?

You know how you have those moments in life when something happens that make you appreciate what you have? Well I had one of those moments today. Don’t worry, nothing bad happened but boy did it scare the crap out of me! SSG and I were in bed this morning and I was trying to get my lazy ass out of bed to go play basketball. As we were lying there in our sleepy state a very loud alarm went off in the apartment. We hopped out of bed and realized it was the carbon monoxide detector going off. SSG pulled it out of the wall to check it out and to make it stop. It was then that we realized it was also an “explosive gas” detector. Explosive gas??!! As in my apartment could blow up??! It was a bit unsettling as you can imagine. We opened windows and checked things out. We didn’t smell anything so I got ready to go. I didn’t feel all that comfortable leaving my family 15 minutes after an explosive gas was sensed, but SSG didn’t seem worried so off I went…of course not before I made sure she knew how much I loved her. I’m not someing that makes everything a catastrophe by any means but bad shit happens. It’s not cynical, it’s just honest and well, true.

As I drove to play basketball all I kept thinking about was how good I had it. I have a great marriage and have someone that loves me unconditionally. I come home every day from work and every single time she’s excited to see me. I felt grateful. Now as someone who for whatever reason feels the need to put on a tough façade, being mushy isn’t always easy. SSG makes me sappy and I’m okay with that. She makes me feel like I don’t have to be this stoic, tough person ALL of the time.

I played, drove home, and was so happy to see my wife in kitchen making stew (yum!), Darwin the hound at her feet in case any scraps fell, and Drew the Devil kitty on top of the kitchen cabinets supervising from above.

October Looks Mighty Fine

No smiley face so Sammy G and I are thinking ovulation came and went.  She thinks we just barely missed it.  Perhaps her ovaries had stage fright!  Doesn't matter.  We're disappointed but certainly at this point not discouraged.  That would be downright silly!  So we're going to try in October and that's okay with me because hell, that gives me more time to nest!  (and honestly recover financially from the swimmers.  Those suckers are expensive!)  It's supposed to rain pretty much all weekend so I think the Mrs. and I will be doing some more organizing, purging of crap we don't need, and dealing the mass amount of clothes that either we don't wear or don't fit...and let's be honest, won't ever fit again.    

another reason to love my wife

So as Shazam told you I didn't get a smiley face on the opk this morning. I was very sad. For the last few months I have, according to fertility friend, ovulating on the cd18(cycle day 18) or cd19. Well, since we were officially starting to try next month I wasn't really paying attention to this cycle. When it came time to start using opks for the month I started using some expired ones from last month. Since we were not trying I was not concerned. Well of course we ordered our spermcicles and I realized that we could possible try this month if I got a positive opk on Thursday or later. So we went out and bought the snazzy digital opks so we would know with more accuracy when I ovulated. I was up on Tuesday night worried that I would see a smiley face on the opk on Wednesday and that the spermcicles would arrive too late to use this month. So I was very happy to announce yesterday morning that there was no smiley face. Fast forward to this morning and I was all ready and waiting for my smiley face. But no luck today either. If it doesn't come tomorrow I think this cycle might be lost. Since we didn't plan on trying this month I shouldn't be disappointed, but honestly I will be. If there is no smiley face on the opk there defintly by a frowny face on me.

No Worries Here

Well there's a possibility that my wife's ovulation came and went.  We may have missed it.  She looked so disappointed this morning when she came to tell me in my half-asleep state that there was "no smiley face".  It really broke my heart to see her that way...and I'll say it again because it bears repeating:

Honey, I'm not disappointed.  I could never be disappointed.  We didn't plan originally to try this month anyhow. If there is not smiley face tomorrow we'll just try in October.  

So, if tomorrow morning rolls around and there is indeed no smiley face I'll be perfectly fine with that.  Spermcicles will be chillin' in Arlington, MA until we are ready!

they are almost here! aka obsess much?

9/25/2008 8:05 am
With delivery courier.
Stoneham, MA
8:02 am
Arrived at DHL facility.
Stoneham, MA
9/24/2008 9:59 pm
In transit.
Coventry Regional Hub, RI
9:51 pm
Transit through DHL facility
Coventry Regional Hub, RI
4:36 pm
Depart Facility
Wilmington, OH
11:55 am
Processed at DHL Location.
Wilmington, OH
9/23/2008 10:59 pm
In transit.
Atlanta Hub, GA
7:32 pm
Depart Facility
Augusta - Bush Field, GA
6:27 pm
Processed at DHL Location.
Augusta - Bush Field, GA
6:10 pm
Departing origin.
Augusta - Bush Field, GA
4:33 pm
Shipment picked up
Augusta - Bush Field, GA

Two Determined Chicks

So as my wife stated in the previous posting the spermcicles are in route. Last I heard they were in Ohio.  I've been very busy at work but I can't keep my mind from drifting to everything that is happening and everything that will potentially happen!  It seems to be all be coming quickly and I then realized this is pretty typical of us.  When it comes to us and our relationship from day one we've jumped in feet first and haven't looked back.  I wouldn't have it any other way and I truly believe it's the best way to live.  Life's too short and unpredictable.  Here is the Shazam/Super Sammy G timeline:

June 2006:  First date 

November 2006: Moved in together

July 2007:  Engaged

April 2008: Married

September 2008:  Spermicles approaching MA for IUI!

We're not fucking around here people.  When we are determined, we pretty much go for it.  I think overall we're cautiously optimistic about the potential IUI.  It may work the first time, it may not.  I do know we'll just keep on trying if it doesn't!  

 

En Route!

So 50% of the genetic make up of our possible future children is currently in the mail. The other 50% is quietly waiting in my ovaries. Sperm watch '08 begins. They arrive according to my DHL tracking software by 5 on Thursday. I hope they are comfortable on their trip. I have tracked many things, new shoes, a weather station, a cute dress, but this my friends is very different. I am really worried about the transport. Will they arrive on time and safe. Will they stay cold enough. Will they defrost well and be all perky for their big swim. I have an email update set up so when they move I will know it. You will be happy to know that I did not have them send me a text message of the status of the spermsicles, even I have my limits. So our sperm were in Atlanta as of 10 pm and are now in transit. I assume they are in flight over the Eastern seaboard currently.

As for the other 50% of this genetic enterprise, I should get a positive opk tomorrow. I thought it might be today but thankfully I had no smiley face on the opk this morning. We were planning on waiting until next month but we made the decision on the donor and then bought our "stock" and the timing seems to be just right. If I had tested positive this morning we would have been on schedule to do an IUI on Thursday. Since the spermcicles are not going to be there until late on Thursday I was not quite sure that we would be able to pull off a try this month. Now if I get my smiley face tomorrow we will have an IUI scheduled for Friday! OK now I am getting excited I could be making a baby by the end of the week!

Multi tasking, oh my!

So I did it. I am waiting for the cable guy to show up (he has 29 min. to show up before I get pissy by the way) and what does one do when waiting for the cable guy?... buy sperm of course. As noted by my wife on a earlier post we decied on a donor last week and so now it came time to buy the little swimmers. So being the wimp that I am I used the chat feature at the sperm bank. I was just a wee bit freaked out about calling don't know why but there it is. So while I was online with the sperm lady I was also on the phone with Shazam. This actually was good since we ended up buying 3 units not our plan of 1. The donor only has five units (now 2) left and is going to retire soon. Sue and I could chat about what to do at the same time as I was talking to the sperm lady. Would I have liked to have bought all 5? Yes but it just isn't in the cards or in our budget. If I get pregnant right away perhaps we will purchase the remaining units if they are still available to use for future babies. Who knows. All I know is that tomorrow our spermsicles will be en route to MA. We now own the one item that we have been lacking in the baby making department. This means we really can make a baby. Now we wait for an egg to emerge so we can have those two crazy haploid cells meet! I hope they like each other.

ps the cable guy came told me he couldn't do what I needed him to do and left. At least I can't say waiting for the cable guy was a waste of my time though.

But I want to stay home and nest!

Super Sammy G and I are realistic and know our dream of owning a home will need to be put on hold, so here we are in our apartment.  It's not great, it's not horrible...it's as I like to call "semi-crappy".  Due to the fact we're not going anywhere for a while we really are trying to rid our place of clutter and just overall "stuff".  One of the perks is that our apartment does have a second decent sized bedroom or as we call the "crap room".  It's been our dumping ground and it's where our computer is.  So on Saturday we decided we needed to get that computer out of the room and get a computer desk for this little nook in our hallway and get some sort of entry-way organizer, mainly for Sammy G's shoes that litter the apartment.  I love her but neatness is not one of her strengths.  Off we went and I swear it felt like we were in the car all freakin' day. We didn't have very good luck on the computer desk but finally found one that would fit.  I swear it is the only one in Eastern Massachusetts so we pulled the trigger.   We were a little sad to find out that we couldn't pick it up until Monday (today!  yeah!).  Then it was off to the Container Store for yet more things to get organized.     

 

Sunday rolled around and Sam reminded me that we needed to go visit her parents.  Don't get me wrong, I like her parents and we get along just fine but you have to fully understand how excited I was to start organizing and get rid of things.  It sounds lame but I can't help it.  I'm an organizer by nature.  I was born to be a project manager which is what I do.  I make lists.  I make lists of lists!  Realizing it just wasn't in the cards yesterday I said disappointingly, "But I want to stay home and organize!"  Sammy G's response to that was "You want to nest".   So there it is.  I want to nest dammit!  Really it is so silly because well, we haven't even attempted to get my wife pregnant yet.  I guess I'm a premature nester but I realized that it's the only thing I really feel like I can physically do.  I can't, despite great efforts, get my wife pregnant and I'm not physically/mentally prepping my body to carry a baby.  So, I will nest and try not to drive my wife nuts with my projects and endless organizing.   

 

 

Shaken, Not Stirred

My wife and I over the past weeks have intensely looking over profiles of potential donors from a sperm bank.  It's way more difficult than I anticipated and honestly it's a little strange and even slightly comical.  If I've learned anything from my mom, it's to try to find humor in just about everything.  I mean if you can't find humor in a donor saying in their profile that Sammy Hagar is their hero then you really are dead inside.  Come on, that's funny!  Sammy freakin' Hagar, former Van Halen singer, the one that couldn't drive 55, and hasn't been relevant in like 2 decades!

  

Ok moving past Sammy Hagar.  So, we went into this thinking we had definite traits we were looking for but the more you look the more what you had in mind changes.  You start to stray from what you originally thought was most important and then the old nature vs. nurture debate comes into play.  I mean if you pick the genius, super jock, handsome donor will you create like an uber-baby?  Unlikely.  I mean the genes of my fabulous, smart, funny, outgoing wife might have some say in Baby X.  Certainly nature is going to have an impact as well.

So, starting out we were thinking tall (wife is only 5'1"), athletic, and preferable blonde hair/blue eyes so there would potentially be some of me in the child.  We started reading the profiles with our "ideal donor" in mind and we got really overwhelmed by all the other stuff. We got distracted by little, probably insignificant details that are kind of silly, and we said things like:

"Hey, this guy played in the Little League World Series!"  (Hell, so have a million other kids doesn't mean this child will be a baseball/softball prodigy)

"This guy's grandfather has a mineral named after him!" (...and that would mean? The kid will be obsessed with rocks?)

"Wow, this donor's grandmother has a genius IQ!"  (Does this mean our child is going to be the next Einstein? Perhaps not.)

After lengthy discussions and pouring over the donors, the other night we got it down to a top 3. Very exciting!  Donor #1 is clearly VERY smart, said he's athletic, but doesn't have an adult picture.  It may seem shallow but people are lying if they say looks don't matter.  Honestly if people had a choice of picking a baby daddy, they would try to pick a good looking man.  Donor #2 is smart, athletic, 6' tall, seems genuine, and has baby and adult pics.  Not great looking but not scary looking.  Donor #3 is a firefighter, appears to be smart, outgoing, friendly, good-looking.  Kind of that guy next door.  Not super tall though at 5'10" but not short.  Blue eyes which is nice.  We knew it was going to be a tough decision.  

 

Cut to last night (9/18).  We decided to go out to eat at one of our favorite restaurants in Waltham, called Tempo.  We ordered food and most importantly drinks.  My wife ordered her usual (Flirtini = chambord with champagne) and I ordered a pomegranate martini.  We started talking about our top 3 and we kept coming back to Donor #3.   We both said something on the lines of, "There's something about this guy.  He just seems like a good guy".  One thing #3 did have going for him as well was he was a "Yes" for identity disclosure.  My wife and I just couldn't bear having Baby X at 18 potentially saying, "I would like to contact my biological father" and our response would have to be, "Sorry, you can't do that because he doesn't want to be contacted".  It would break our hearts and having the option would be nice.

So, feeling pretty happy from the drinks and maybe a little tipsy I say "Did we just pick our donor?"  My wife smiled at me and said, "I think we did!"  So, he's not the smartest or tallest of the three and doesn't have blonde hair but at the end a gut feeling about this "good guy" won.  We don't need an uber-baby.  We will be happy with a healthy, honest, sincere good person.

  

Nothing like a sperm donor decision made over martinis! 

  

 

Who are we anyway?

Ok so since we only have a total of 3 readers of this blog and one of the 3 is me and another is my wife do I really need to introduce the family? Probably not but it seems like it would be a good idea to let our vast readership know the g-a family as it stands now.


The starting line-up...


Super Sammy G-


Super Sammy is a 8th grade science teacher by day and a super hero by night. Ok not so much but she does star in her own tv show at school where she can fly. In her spare time she enjoys looking at baby gear, cooking and playing with her naughty pets. Her other names include but are not limited to lolo and pigpen.



Shazam

Shazam is a project manager for a publishing co. In her spare time she enjoys throwing a ball in a basket and slogging (look for it in the next Olympics in London!). She also knows that her wife is crazy and still loves her (which I think is great). She is also know as lala.

Darwin

Darwin is a beagle and named after the ship (the HMS Beagle) that good old Chuck Darwin sailed around the world while collecting evidence for the Theory of Evolution. He is an old man and has a nasty habit of having very expensive medical crises. When not napping on the couch he enjoys fetching sticks at the lake and chasing his sister around the house. He is also known as woobie and old man woobie.

Drew

Drew is the cat that super sammy g had to have and the cat shazam was not all that excited about. She is also the cat that only really likes Shazam. When not attacking our ankles Drew enjoys racing around the apartment, batting toy mice and keeping her mothers up all night by attacking feet and scratching on the side of the mattress. She is also known as weebie and devil cat.

What is this crazy thing called blogging?

In typical fashion, I'm about 2 steps behind everyone with this blogging thing.  I never really understood its purpose and what the big deal was.  So, why now am I stepping up to the plate and attempting to blog?  Well there's a bunch of reasons:

1.  My wife started this blog so I thought I'd contribute seeing as I'm one of the "mommies"

2. With my wife and I wanting to start a family I thought it would be fun to have a record of the process

3.  Hell, I'm opinionated and sometimes need to vent or share (I'll try from time to time to use what filter I have)

4.  My friend Snickollet is doing it and is a blog rock star.  I have blog envy.  She may even have a fan club forming.  

5.  Work gets slow and it's something to do.

6. Hoping it will just simply be fun!  

I must say I don't have high expectations that this blog will really be all that interesting to anyone else and I'm not even a good writer really....but what the hell..could be fun!   

The appointment

So the appointment was not that big deal but at the same time a super big deal. We have jump through some hoops to have my medical records sent to the midwife and get a form signed so that the sperm place will ship the sperm to the office but other than that we are good to go. We could start trying this month but that would mean that we would really have to rush in picking a donor and getting the money together. So we have decided that it is best to wait. Even though it is hard. So we are that much closer to having a baby (but is kind of seems like the same place as yesterday). Baby X we are coming I promise.

Moving right along...

Tomorrow is the big day. Sue and I go for our first meeting with the midwife. It is just a meet and greet and if we like her we will set up another appointment. Since we plan on starting inseminating in October we really need to get going so that we are ready. If we move forward with using the AIGB then we will make an appointment where we really get a plan and go over my health history ect.

Next on the list is making a choice for a donor and having a back up list. This is exciting, fun and really odd at the same time. While you try not to concentrate on looks it is hard. There is so much to choose from so you have to hang your hat on something. If you go by family health then you really don't have much difference between donors. Everyone seems to have heart disease and cancer and hell if Sue and I could combine our genetics to make a child as we would if we weren't two chicks then our child would have plenty of bad health genes from either of us. So I guess if we want our child to be like us we should choose someone with similar family health profiles. I guess we have are going with height (we need some tall genes to counter act my short ones) blue eyes (so our kids have some chance of blue eyes like Sue) and athletic ability (once again to counter act my inability to throw a ball). So all we need to do is find a tall, blue eyed jock donor with swimmers to sell. Wish us luck.