Monday, November 9, 2009

I'm a Blogging Failure

I totally blew it and didn't blog yesterday. I had all intentions of doing so but Little E had other plans for us. She basically refused to nap ALL day yesterday. This meant we were all exhausted and I was feeling extra frazzled...hence spacing out and not blogging. I actually feel really guilty about it!

So one of our readers had some suggestions about what we could blog about this month and one of them was what do we fear the most? I certainly have long-term fears but my most recent fear that is going to be here before we know it is the fear of SSG going back to work in early January. I fear that I am going to totally suck at being a stay-at-home mom until next summer when SSG is on summer break from teaching. I'm not sure if it's the sleep deprivation talking, but I am feeling lately like I am not quite cut out for being a parent. I am by nature not an incredibly patient person and I find myself getting frustrated with Little E, I get frustrated with what feels like endless crying, and I mostly get frustrated with myself that I'm not better at this. I am notoriously very hard on myself so maybe I should give myself a break but I watch SSG and she's amazing. She's patience and calm and I won't have that come January. I won't be able to pass Little E to her when I'm feeling overwhelmed and won't have her calming energy here at the apartment. The good thing is that SSG is a teacher and that means she will be home 3:00-3:30 most days and not like 6-7pm like in an office job. It is going to take some adjustment come January for everyone . While I don't feel lucky that I lost my job in May, I feel lucky I get to stay home with Little E for a while and keep her safe from daycare germs. I am fortunate I get to have that time. I just hope I can channel a calmer more patient Shazam.

1 comment:

Strawberry said...

What you said resonated with me...about not being cut out to be a parent. What you have to do is keep repeating "It gets better, it gets better." These first few months are very difficult, and patience can be hard to come by. I've had many impatient moments myself. It's best to just place the baby somewhere safe and walk away for a few moments to compose yourself. If they cry for a few minutes in the crib, it's not going to hurt them. You may even need to go outside for a bit, take some deep breaths, and mentally prepare yourself for going back in to deal with the crying (or use ear plugs, I'm serious). Parenting is hard...that doesn't mean you suck at it ;-) And really, it does get so much better. The view from 6 months is lovely, especially when I think back to the first 3 and wonder how I would ever get through it...