Gathering Info

I have talked a few times about the loss of my job but I thought I would back it up a bit in order to talk about what my future career may look like. So I was a psychology major, not really knowing what exactly I was going to do with it. In fact I've never know what I wanted to be when I grew up. I went through my 4 years at a small college in Vermont and then instantly started working in a group home for kids near where I grew up in New Hampshire. I worked with boys and girls ages from about 8 to 12 with horrendous stories of abuse/neglect. Basically they were placed in the group home because their home situations were, well, horrible. It was a hard job but incredibly rewarding. I felt good about it. Hell, I felt great about it. I worked there a year and a half and then I left that job and the state to ironically, live with a guy. (that is a WHOLE other post). I somehow ended up in textbook publishing and stayed there for like 10 years. I can't say I ever loved it, nor did I find it all that rewarding. I was just a person of many helping the big publishers make more money. I was part of the machine. However I ended up being quite good at being a project manager so I just stayed. I got complacent and I never paused to say, "Is this what I want to be doing?"

This brings me to now. As I've said before I lost my job in May and I have had some 5 months to try to do a little soul searching as to what my next step will be. It's been hard. It's been frustrating. It's scary. I mean I'm 34 years old and in my mind it seems ridiculous to be saying, "What do I want to be?" It's almost embarrassing. In fact it is. I pride myself on being a hard worker, a trait I most certainly inherited from my parents. The problem has always been that I don't feel like I've had a direction for my hard work and passion. So as SSG and I have been talking about jobs, daycare, what our plan is, what my career plan is, what is best for the family the idea of me going back to school came up. We've talked about it a lot because let's face it, it's a lot to process. There are sacrifices that will need to be made and obviously sudden debt that is tuition. Not to mention I haven't been a student in like 12 years. I explored a few things that just didn't work out and then it seemed pretty obvious...getting my Masters in Social Work. There is a lot I could do with and MSW and as a psychology major and with my background it seemed like a natural fit. It's overwhelming at times to think how being in school for part-time for 3 years would impact the three of us. Could we swing it financially? Could we arrange my classes so that I we would only need daycare for a couple days? When will my unemployment run out? Just so many questions SSG and I need to explore.

Bottom line is I need to take a more active roll in my career and be more assertive. I want to be passionate at what I do and make a difference. I want to have a more stable career for my family. I need to. Even though Little E is young I want to set a good example for her and be able when she's old enough to explain the important of an education. I want her to be passionate and I want her to value hard work. I don't want her to be complacent. I also want to show her it's not too late to find something that you love to do and sometimes you need to take a few steps back to take big steps forward.

So tomorrow is the first step for me. I'm headed to an MSW information session tomorrow at Simmons in Boston and then an info session at Boston University in a couple weeks....and you know, I'm actually excited.