IUI #3 complete

Eggy 3 was very cooperative and decided that the 26th was a fabulous day to arrive. I got a really nice Christmas present of a positive opk on Christmas Morning! Shazam and I went at noon today for our IUI. The midwife did our first IUI and it all went smoothly. We had a nice lunch at Not your Average Joe's and now we are home and relaxing on the couch. Shazam is enjoying her new ipod touch and I am enjoying that she can use it to go on the Internet via our wifi and I can be on the laptop blogging away. The touch is really cool and I think Shazam is really enjoying it. I am loving my new ipod dock for the kitchen and my awesome new coat from Jcrew. It was a really nice Christmas and I hope we get a nice gift in 2 weeks with a positive pregnancy test. Hope you all had a great holiday. Happy new year!

Go Eggy #3!!!!

No Waiting Until January!

Just a quick note that SSG did not test positive on the opk today so no IUI tomorrow!  This means that we will be able to give Eggy III a go this month. Yippee!

Wishing everyone a happy holiday and a fabulous 2009!

The Home Stretch

So the count down to winter break is getting low. I have 2 more days of school (counting today) and then I am out for 1.5 weeks! I already taught a class and they were pretty good so hopefully I will be able to get through the next 2 days without much trouble. The kids did however ask if we were going to watch a movie like Nemo the Christmas edition tomorrow. I feel like it will be a bit of a strain to get anything done tomorrow. It doesn't help that we had about 1.5 feet of snow this weekend. It is very hard to keep the children's attention when it is a freaking winter wonderland outside.

Shazam is under tons of pressure at work this week since so many people are out for the holiday. She is covering for people and is very overwhelmed. I hate to see her stress out so I hope the next few days will be as stress free as possible.

We are waiting for the arrival for Eggy III any day now. I took an opk yesterday and today and got no smiley face. I am hoping that we get a smiley face tomorrow so that we can do the IUI on Wednesday. If not tomorrow then I hope we get a smiley on Christmas day. Since we will be doing Christmas with both families on the 25th there is no way we could do an IUI on Christmas. There just isn't time in the day. Shazam and I talked about it last night and decided that we will have to skip this month if the timing does not work out. I am just trying to not stress about it. There is always next month right?

Beagle + Eggnog = love

Odd and funny fact about our beagle named Darwin. He LOVES eggnog. I just learned this recently as SSG was the one that adopted him from a shelter as a puppy some 8 years ago. We bought eggnog the other day and Darwin was certainly attentive the instant my wife walked into the living room with a small glass. Now you have to understand while his food drive (as with all beagles) is very strong, he could care less about what you're drinking. Clearly with eggnog it's a different story and that powerful nose of his can tell the difference. I don't think he could have sat any closer to SSG when she was drinking a glass. I wonder if other dogs like eggnog?

But I Don't Wanna!

This weekend SSG and I were total slugs. I'm not ashamed to say most of Saturday we were in PJs and ventured out very little. As someone who feels like they need to be productive all the times and has trouble sitting this type of weekend is actually good for me. It gets me to slow down.

So Sunday morning rolled around and as we were in bed after we had woken up SSG looked at me and said, "We're going to the gym". Normally I play basketball on Sunday mornings but I wasn't up for it this week so this whole idea of going to the gym (which I haven't seen the inside for like a year) was just horrible! I may have whined like a child and fought it for a little while, but my wife was clearly not taking "no" for an answer so I caved. I know we both need to get back in shape and take better care of ourselves, as we were fit and much trimmer when we met in June of 2006. Hell I used to run like 5 days a week and about 4 years ago a ran a marathon. Somewhere along the way I lost motivation, stopped giving a shit, and as most who are over 30 know,  it's much harder after 30 to stay trim. Oh the joys of aging. So off we went for like like 30-40 minutes and wouldn't you know I did feel better!   

Crunching the Numbers

So now that we are on to cycle #3, I have been looking at the numbers to estimate when I will ovulate this coming cycle:

Cycle #1
length 33 days
+opk cd19
iui cd20

Cycle #2
length 30 days ( back to normal)
+opk cd16
iui cd17

So what to think??...I have been looking at my +opk days and thinking that if I had gotten my period when I expected it then the day I got a +opk would have been the same cycle day (cd16 + 3 days=cd19). Which also lines up with my previous months' charts. This lead me to check when cd19 and 20 fall this cycle which would be the 26th and 27th of December. Once again we will be trying to avoid a family holiday when trying to do the iui. Argh!

On the emotional front I am doing much better. I just needed my traditional pouty day and then I can move on to the next cycle.

Oh and I should mention that I have the best wife ever! The necklace is awesome and I love it!

Go Eggy III!

Scrubbing and Weeping

Obviously SSG knows her own body the best so when she said she felt like she was getting her period, she was correct. The poor thing had to follow up her craptastic day with the realization that we'll be trying again this month. (..and of course it very well may fall on Christmas! What the fuck?!) I wanted to do something nice for her yesterday and perhaps get her a little good luck charm (because hell, who doesn't need luck on their side?) so I went to Tiffany's and got her this silver necklace with a horseshoe pendant. Ahh, retail therapy. She was surprised and liked it though I knew she couldn't really express it as she was pretty sad last night. I told her to be as sad or pissed or whatever she needs to be.

So the question is, how is Shazam doing? I realized I have yet to say how I'M feeling. I guess I'm a little bit of everything as I was last month: pissed off, frustrated, worried, sad. I'm not always good about being verbal about how I'm feeling and I guess I feel like I need to be strong for SSG. Some emotion finally came out at the oddest time...while I was taking a shower this morning. I was scrubbing and washing when all of a sudden I just started crying. I believe I even let out a frustrated yell. It didn't last long but I guess I feel a little better. So onward we go. We'll take a little time to gather ourselves and build back up some positive energy and attitudes. I heard the third time is a charm... 

Feeling Negative

I am having one craptastic day. I am very depressed about this cycle not working. I am feeling like my period could start any minute and I am sad sad sad about it. It really sucks to feel this way and try to do my job. I need to be up, I need to be excited, I need to "sell" my material. Today I feel like crawling into a little ball and weeping. This is not a job where you can lay low and just ride it out. I was happy I booked the computer lab today so I wouldn't need to be the star and the kids could do their activity and I could blend in with the scenery. Alas the gods and goddesses hate me since I took my first period class down to the computer lab and the program had been taken off the the computers when they upgraded the operating system. So I was left with 25 kids and no plan. I pretty much almost cried in front of the kids. I usually am pretty good a winging it, but today I am just not up to it. The only way this day could get better is if someone spills their lunch on me while I have lunch duty or if I get my period while I am teaching and it bleeds through my pants. Since I am teaching from about 10 min from now to 2:30 without a break this is actually a possibility. Oh a nice nasty parent email could be a nice treat. I can only hope today gets better.

Day 12dpo...negative

Ok, so I told you all that I would wait until 14dpiui to test but did you really think I could do that? So after cd30 ended Shazam and I decided that we would test on Sunday morning. The test was negative which lead to curling up in bed for a bit and then watching a pick me up movie (Stick it) while Shazam played basketball. We both were still in pretty glum moods but kept to our original plan and went to the Bizarre Bazaar to see our wedding invitation designer Heather Jeany. It was great to meet her since we did all our work together over email. She was so nice. Although fun it was sooo packed and I couldn't handle all the people so we didn't stay long. Since the game was about to start we went to The Melting Pot fondue restaurant across the street and had dinner. Yum! The Pats pulled out a win so the day wasn't a complete loss.
On the pregnancy front, things are not over since I have not started my period but I think we are out for this cycle. Last month, otherwise known as Testaplalooza '08, I started testing at cd26 and tested neg from then until day cd33 when I got my period. If I am following the same pattern as last month then I would have to infer that I am not preggers. Why my cycle has decided to switch from its regular 30 days to 30+ is annoying. So Shazam and I are gearing up for next month and hoping that I don't ovulate on Christmas! I'd be be lying if I said I wasn't a little discouraged. I really wanted to be able to give my parents a really great Christmas gift. Maybe next month.

2 posts in one day

Vermont in Pictures

The front pasture with views of Killington and Pico Mts. You can see some of my uncle's bee hives by the spruce tree waiting to take their yearly trip to Cali for the almond farmers.

Walking in the woods

Shazam and I at the river.

Fungi!

One of the steer at the farm

The cabin my Dad and Uncle Peter built by hand the summer I was about 7 or 8. My favorite place to camp (like tent camping but with walls and a roof!

Cousin Arthur, Dad, Mom, Aunt Mary, Lee (sister's boyfriend), Sister Bethany, and Shazam. Plus the puppies!

One week down...

So we have gotten through the first week of the 2 week wait. It was not all that bad since we were distracted by Thanksgiving. Now the hard part starts, week 2. I don't want to be ridiculous with "symptoms" but I will tell you that I have been starving for the last few days. I actually ate my lunch at 10:30 yesterday morning and would have today if I didn't have kids. So I stuffed my face with some chips and am feeling a bit better now. I am willing to guess this has nothing to do with Eggy II and everything to do with me stretching my stomach at Thanksgiving. We will have to wait and see what next week holds for us. For now I will try not to eat everything in sight. I am so ready for this second week to be over.

New Pieces

We are back from VT and somehow the car was filled with a dozen bagels, 5 lbs of honey (uncle is a commercial bee keeper), some grass fed beef, 1/4th of a pumpkin pie, fabulous handmade chocolate, 2 pairs of new shoes, and two Sabra Field wood block prints. Boy did we make out well. We had a great time at the inn and would totally recommend the Deerbrook Inn for anyone looking for a place to stay in Woodstock. My uncle's farm was great and it was really good to see my family. The last time we were up was for my Aunt's funeral last spring so it was a much nicer time (obviously). The weather was nice and we were able to take a nice walk in the woods and collect some greens and some other things for my Mom's holiday decorating. I will post pictures when I upload them from the camera. The 2ww has been ok so far and we are very positive this time. I feel like the insem went really well and am having positive thoughts about Eggy II sticking around. I will leave you with our new pieces which brings our Sabra Field "collection" to three. Obviously the digital pictures don't do them justice at all and they add some great color to our living room.

Milky Way

Autumn Glow

IUI #2 done

Shazam and I are back from out iui and it went so smoothly. The midwife I had was so great. First of all it took a grand total of 5 sec for her to insert the catheter and put the swimmers into place. She was awesome. I also learned how one can insert a speculum with out any discomfort. The midwife had me do a keigel when she inserted it and it was so much more comfortable. Gee I wish someone taught me that trick at my first pap 15 years ago. Also my cervix has always been a bit of a challenge to find and she told me where to tell people in the future to find it. So helpful (it is to the back and left if you were wondering). She also made sure I was relaxed and happy when the swimmers were put in and announce "let's make a baby!" It was great. We really liked our first midwife and I liked this one even more. So the swimmers were their very active swimmy selves and my cervix was wide open with tons of ewcm. So all looks good. Now Eggy 2 and the swimmers need to cooperate and stick in the uterus.

We are off to Vt after school is out at 11:30 tomorrow. The weather looks like it will be cooperating. Yeah! So only one class to teach tomorrow and a study hall last period to survive and we will be on our way to Woodstock and after a restful night at the B&B it is on to the farm in Fair Haven.

Happy Thanksgiving All!

Just Chillin'

We have an IUI appointment today at 2:00 and this time around is much more relaxed. Well I can't speak for my wife who is actually having the procedure but she seems pretty chill about the whole thing. Last time was a complete cluster-fuck with midwives not calling us back, miscommunication, and the whole squeezing the IUI in before we drove up to NH. This time it's easy. SSG gets out a little early today anyhow and I'm just taking some personal time which isn't a big deal since, as I've mentioned, there isn't much going on around my office. We're just chillin' this time and we'll see what happens with Eggy II.

Ladies and Gentlemen, May I Introduce you to...Eggy II!

Yes, the world is not conspiring against us and SSG got a positive OPK this morning!! Now we don't need to worry about Thanksgiving/VT timing. Send fertile vibes our way!!

Star Struck

On Friday I dragged Shazam to a middle school play, a musical no less (sooo not her thing). If you have never been to one of these musical extravaganzas as an adult that doesn't have a child well you are missing some really good comedy.
Katie, the girl I nanny for was in her schools production of Into the Woods. For the most part it was not painful and had some truly funny parts including a girl who stole the show playing a cow whose front legs were toilet plungers and the moment when Little Red almost ripped her dress off when she caught it on a prop tree. The show was short and Katie did great. I was very proud.
At the end of the show we were waiting with Katie's parents for Katie to come out and an older woman approached us to congratulate Katie's parents on the job well done. She was Anna's grandmother. When she walked away Katie's mother asked me if I knew who she was. It was then that it occurred to me that Anna was Anna Goodridge. So of course I looked up to the group of obviously gay and lesbian audience members and there stood the Goodridges. I should really say THE GOODRIDGES, as Goodridge vs. Massachusetts department of health. I was instantly star struck. Two rows away from me were the women who made it possible for Shazam and I to get married. So there I stood in a school auditorium starring at them. I wanted to go up to them and thank them to tell them how much I appreciated how much they have done. I just couldn't take my eyes off them. I had to leave so that I wouldn't make a fool of myself. So that was my brush with fame and I wish I could have thanked them. What I have is because of them and I don't forget for a minute that the fight is not over and we all still have so much work to do.

Here we go again

So I started testing for ovulation this morning. I wasn't expecting it today but I had some ewcm (egg white cervical mucus sorry if that is tmi) last night. I have been ovulating on day 18 or 19 but since last cycle was 32 days long I don't know if this one will be all thrown off as well. Oh the joys of ttc and obsessing about my bodily functions. If I had gotten my period on time then today would be day 17 and I would be getting a pos. opk on Sat or Sunday. I need to buy some new opks today so I have a fresh supply. I am really hoping that I ovulate early so that we don't have a conflict with Thanksgiving. Keep your fingers crossed. Since I drove myself crazy last month with testing really early and way too much I am going to try and wait the full 14 days before testing. Since I have no idea how long my period will be this month (30 or 32) I think I will try and wait to test until the full 14 days of the 2 week wait (if I have not started my period). I am not sure if I will succeed and this but perhaps Shazam will hide the hpts for me so that it is at least a little more difficult for me to cave in and test. We will have to see how it goes and if Eggy II does not cooperate and I ovulate on Thanksgiving then this whole discussion is irrelevant anyway.

On another note I second Shazam's excitement about our pet free weekend. Don't get me wrong I love the animals but a break is always nice and I can't wait for my yummy breakfast at the inn. I also want to look at some art. There are some really nice galleries in Woodstock and I would love to see what they have. We bought a wonderful painting on our honeymoon and have some other small pieces that we have bought over the last few years. I would really like to keep adding to our "collection" so perhaps we will find something that would brighten our living room up a bit.

This is our painting and we choose it because it captured the feel and look of Curacao and we wanted something that would always remind us of out honeymoon. We love it and I am so glad we made the choice to buy it.

Have a great weekend and we will keep you posted on any developments on the Eggy II front.

Possible Attempt #2 and Other Ramblings/Whines

Well the week of Thanksgiving is approaching quickly and we may be attempting IUI #2 next week. As SSG mentioned she very well may get a positive on the OPK on Wednesday which means IUI on Thanksgiving which is not going to happen. We'll be in Vermont in the middle of no where. We alternate Thanksgivings so this happens to be a SSG year. We've talked about it and we're actually pretty chill about the possibility of not being able to try this month. I mean why get upset about something you can't control? I also think we're going to benefit from having been through one IUI before. We know what's going to happen, how it works, etc.. We will be more relaxed about the whole process and that is a good thing.

*****************************************************

So now some miscellaneous items from Shazam...

1.  For those wondering why I can blog at 9:45am and write about "miscellaneous items" it's because I'm bored out of my mind at work.  I'm on what I like to call a "sinking ship" which means I have one project right now that doesn't take up 8 hours a day.  SSG is VERY nervous that I'm going to lose my job and I may be a moron for thinking we may be able to right this ship.  What can I say, I'm loyal to a fault.  

2.  In reference to item #1, I've made it through 3 lay-offs in 2 years.  I'm still hoping to get a t-shirt that says something like, "I Survived 3 Lay-Offs and All I Got Was This Stupid T-Shirt" 

3.  Moving on to more fun things...we're going up to Vermont a day early after SSG gets out of work and staying in one of our favorite places, Woodstock, VT on Wednesday night.  It's a good half way point.  Cute town with cute shops, and a few art galleries which we love.  

4.  Best part of this mini-getaway?  NO ANIMALS!! Cat is obviously staying home and the hound is going to doggie camp for a few days.  We both need a break from the cat doing the following:

a.  Scratching the hell out of the side of the mattress and doing that from about 3:30-5:30am

b.  Viciously mauling/biting our ankles, feet, etc..  I think we're her prey.

c.  Obsessively trying to get behind things that are hung on the walls.  She scratches and meows at things on walls.  She's a freak.

The dog is not innocent by any means and we won't miss  the following for those couple of days:

a.  His barking at anyone/anything that comes within a 15 foot radius of our apartment.  

b.  Coming home when we go out at night to find he has found a way to destroy something/make a mess/eaten something he shouldn't have/chewed the cat's toys (I could go on)

c.  The obsessive licking sounds you hear when we're trying to get to sleep.  He's a male dog so he REALLY enjoys licking his own junk.  Classy.

Well, that is all I have for now...guess I better go back to work...whatever that means.

    

Prop 8

The last week and a half I have felt so conflicted. My mom called right after the election and asked it I was as excited as she was. I had to tell her that while I am really happy (which is an understatement) about Obama being elected I am also sad about the passing of prop. 8. I guess it is hard to be ecstatic when over half a state voted to ban your family. I know it is only the beginning but it makes me scared for my future children. I guess I sometimes forget that not everyone lives in the happy little bubble of Massachusetts. It seems so crazy that people would fight so hard and spend so much money so that they could take my right to marry away. I feel so attacked and so sad about the whole thing. It just reminds me of how far we still have to go. If you have not seen this clip yet it is worth the time watching.

Picking a Christmas tree

On Sunday Shazam and I went with my parents to pick out their Christmas tree. My mother has been wanting to go to the tree farm near her, pick it out, and then cut it down for years. We finally made it happen and it was really fun. We actually just tagged the tree and will return on December 2oth to pick it up (we opted not to cut it down ourselves). The farm opened last week so many of the trees were already chosen but we got one we liked and I think it made my mother's year! Wow did we get some brownie points! The weather was great and it quite warm which made the process much more pleasant. After we picked it out we went to the barn to pay and there was free hot cider! How much better could it be? What was really cool was that many of the trees that had been chosen were decorated. I think my mother is returning so that our tree does not feel neglected and naked. I am sure we will be doing this next year and my mom is already thinking about decorations. While we were walking around I couldn't help think that I can't wait to take own children to pick out a tree. Maybe next year. Does this mean I am turning into my mother??? Here are some pictures of the the big event:

Our Tree

A view of some baby trees and the raspberry bushes.

My Dad tagging the tree.

Shazam and my Mom. It is too bad they don't get along!

Shazam and Super Sammy G (tree is to the left)

Let's Go Eggy II

So my period started this afternoon. I am sad and frustrated and disappointed. So we begin again. The only snafu is that I am due to ovulate the week of thanksgiving and we will be in VT. Since this cycle was so crazy I don't really know what to expect. Well at least now I know. Even though it is not what I wanted. I knew it was too easy to be true.

still waiting

So yes I took the consumer report recommended First Response Early Response test tonight with the same result as the other tests. Negative. This is driving me crazy. Shazam and I are now beginning to show the signs of stress and are snipping at each other over stupid shit. I emailed our Dr. today but she was out of the office so I got no response. I guess I could have called the midwife who did the insem. to see if I could go in for a blood test but I am trying to be patient. The thing is I will be ok with not being pregnant. I mean don't get me wrong I will be disappointed but not discouraged. The likely hood of getting pregnant on the first try is small so we are both ready for another try. I just want to know what the plan is. So it is Friday night and I am trying to relax and failing miserably. This week has been a roller coaster of ups and downs. I was really positive all day but now I am back in the valley. Could stress really change my cycle this much? Could I be pregnant? I will be going to bed soon so I can wake up again and spend some quality time with my friends FRER! Night people. As soon as I know anything I will let you know.

Eggy I? Is that you?

SSG and I don't really know what to make of it, but she has yet to get her period.  She was supposed to get it yesterday. Is Eggy I hanging on? Did we jump the gun and test way too early and therefore jump to the conclusion that she wasn't preggers? I've said this before but right now it's all about being cautiously optimistic. I think we decided to see if she gets through today and if she does we'll test tomorrow. I think. What up with all this freakin' waiting?!       

Out and a little down

So I have yet to get my period but have little hope that I am pregnant. I expect to start this afternoon. I tested this morning with the hope that I could have been pregnant but had not produced enough hcg to test positive yesterday. Alas not so much. I was holding out hope that since I have a short luteal phase (11 days) that I would test positive later. The early pregnancy tests say that you can test up to four days before your missed period. This is assuming a 28 day cycle and ovulation at day 14. I have a 30 day cycle and ovulated at day 20 (+opk on cd19). According to my understanding of human reproductive biology (which is limited) if I had fertilized an egg it should have implanted and thus started to produce hcg on day 8piui. In an "average" woman's cycle that would would be cycle day 22 of 28 and would give a woman 6 days to produce hcg before missing a period. In my case day 8piui is 28 of 30 day cycle. Which only gives me 2 days to produce hcg before missing a period. So if a pregnancy test is only can detect hcg 4 days before a missed period or on day 24 of 28 then it takes about 2 days from implantation to build up enough hcg in the urine to get a positive test. So my question is this... do I still have hope? I guess I am grasping at biochemistry at this point but I still want to hang onto hope at least till I start to bleed. Sorry for this brain dump. It has been floating around in my noggin and I just had to let it out. I am generally not this obsessive but this baby making thing has pushed me over the edge.
*************************************
On another note I am very much looking forward to welcoming eggy II to the conversation. One of my good friends told me this morning that I should be a little sad today but that I have a new cycle to look forward to and that she always looks forward to her fresh start each month. It made me feel much more hopeful this morning. So back to fertility friend and data collection for the two of us (which we both love more than is normal, I guess that is what you get with a math teach and a science teacher) Thanks Elysha!
**************************************
Also thanks to "all" our readers. Your support makes it all a whole lot better!

Most likely a goodbye to Eggy I

With sadness and a little disappointment it appears that Eggy I perhaps doesn't want to stick around this month. SSG should get her period tomorrow and the woman is like clockwork. She got a negative test this morning and has had her normal premenstrual symptoms over the past 2 days. SSG was really sad last night and this morning and it just broke my heart. I've been trying to be upbeat for her but let her know it's okay to feel sad and try to remind her that it was just our first try. It seems to rarely happen on attempt #1. Looks like we'll be trying again 3-4 days before Thanksgiving and rightly so, the next one shall be named Eggy II.

Thanks for all your positive thoughts and well wishes everyone!  

So You Think You Can Dance!!!

Shazam, our friend Snick, and I went to So You Think You Can Dance last night at the Agganis Arena at BU. It was awesome. So worth the money. We had fun, we ate crappy vendor food, and we laughed.  I want to go back for more! Here is a video of a dance that is pretty much exactly where we sat. If you don't watch the show I would definitely recommend it for next season. The dancers are so great!

Where is eggy now???

So I was wondering where eggy might be in this process so my geeky self did some human embryology review. So here is a nice diagram of eggy's last few days. Eggy is now in day 5 just to remind you.

How are Sam and Eggy feeling?

Well I can not speak for Eggy as Eggy has been very quiet. I hope that is a good sign. As for me, Saturday after the IUI I totally had ovulation pains which would make lead me to believe that Eggy had a very good chance of meeting up with the spermies. On Sunday night my mac and cheese tasted strange. Shazam reported it was fine but I thought it tasted like soap. I have had some low back pain. Yesterday while reading trip advisor reviews of the inn we will be staying at over Thanksgiving I became quite weepy. I had a class in my room doing some work so I looked like a complete nut but oh well. My friends at work think I am crazy and that I can't be having symptoms yet (which I know is true) but I can't help but hope! I have never wanted to be nauseous so much in my life.

On the testing front we decided to test on Monday. I have a 30 day cycle and we did the iui on day 20 (which is normal for me, I seem to have a short lutal phase). So Monday would bring us 2 days before my period is due and 9dpiui. It seems really early but it seems like it should be ok for the first test. If it is a negative I will wait for my period and if it is late will test again. Sounds like a plan. Let's see if I can stick to it....

We Heart Eggy

Just some ramblings about the last couple of days:

We've starting calling the potential fertilized egg in SSG's nether-regions Eggy.  Why we feel the incessant need to name everything in our lives, I don't know.  I talk to Eggy and give it encouragement because somehow in my twisted mind I think that will help.  

******************************

After a super stressful Friday night and being in the car all day on Saturday (post IUI), I experienced exhaustion like I never have before.  I mean as a former HS/college athlete I know physical exhaustion but this was complete mental/physical exhaustion to the core.  I think we both passed out when our heads hit the pillows.  Eggy too.  

******************************

I am SOOOO glad that I was able to go for the IUI on Saturday.   We really owe a huge thank you to the midwife who was so flexible.  She was really great, which a great sense of humor which helped to keep us relaxed.  I have to so also that the experience was way more emotional than I anticipated.  I thought it was going to be all clinical but it wasn't.  It was really amazing.  I felt very connected with my wife.  It was just really special and something I obviously won't forget.  

So now we wait....I'm surprisingly very relaxed.   

  

Sperm on board!

So after a crummy night waiting for the midwife to call us back we finally went to bed at about 11 with the idea that I would call them at 6 am to have the midwife paged again. I actually slept really well last night. Woke up to the alarm at 6 and called the service. The midwife called me back in 20 min and was confused because while we were stressing last night the midwifes spoke to each other and made a plan. Too bad they forgot to tell us! Anyway, after speaking to one midwife I waited for a 2nd to call me back. She wanted to do the iui at 9 but I talked her into doing it at 8 so that Shazam could be there.
So at 8 we arrived at the office and after some paper work I was on the table ready to put my feet in the stirrups. The worst part of the iui was the speculum. Not painful just uncomfortable. It took a bit to get the catheter through into the uterus because I have an oddly tilted cervix. I knew this before because several doctors have told me "I can't find your cervix" during my annual exams. So after some snaking around the midwife said she would try for 5 more minutes then just do an ici. Not what I wanted to hear but my cervix was open so I thought it would be ok. The second she said this however I felt it slip in and we were all set. After the sperm were inserted the midwife left Shazam and I to relax for 30 min. I listened to the Swim! Swim! play list that Shazam made me on my ipod.
So I currently have sperm swimming in my fallopian tubes hopefully meeting up with an egg. How am I going to make it through the next 14 days?

Ring Dammit!!

So it's now 10:30pm and no call back from the midwife on-call. We've called twice since around 6:30pm. We're sitting here, tired from a busy week, just waiting and most worrisome is we have no appointment at this point. I'm frustrated and worried that we're going to have to wait a month because no one is calling us back!! Not impressed by this midwives office at this moment. GRRRR!!

An update/lack of update

As you can see I got a smiley face this morning so I am due to ovulate 24-36 hrs from the time of test. This means I should do an iui sometime tomorrow. As Shazam has already posted this conflicts with her cousin's shower. When I called the midwife group this morning they told be to call the on call midwife tonight so that we can set up an iui for Sat. We are hoping that she can do an iui first thing in the am so that we can be on our way to nh by about 9:15. I am hopeful that it will work out since we are not working with office hours but with an on call midwife. I know we need to work around her schedule but midwives are so much more practical than physicians that I think she will work with us to the best of her ability. I'll let you know if this positive thinking works for us.

If Shazam can't go with me then my best friend (and who I consider my sister) will be joining me. Thank goodness I don't have to do it alone. We have been friends since we were 3/4 and spent most of our childhood together. Our father's were best friends, we went to church together, camp together, gymnastics together. Heck we wore each other's underwear if we forgot to bring it for a sleep over. She was the first person I told that I was gay. So if I can't have Shazam with me she is def. my second choice.

So what I do know is that we will be doing an iui tomorrow. I don't know when and I don't know if Shazam will be with me. This is stressing me out but we will deal. It is not ideal but not the end of the world. When I know the real plan I will post more. So close to starting! I am so excited!

Ta-da!

Are we there yet?

For those looking for an update...we're getting close...we think.  By SSG's estimate she's thinking potentially tomorrow or Friday for a positive on the ovulation front.   I'm hoping for tomorrow for a Friday IUI.   As I mentioned a little while back we're supposed to go to my cousin's baby shower on Saturday in NH and if an IUI is scheduled for Saturday well then, I'm feeling guilty either way.  It's a no win situation.  I don't want SSG to go to the appointment alone and I don't want to miss anything (major guilt and would feel like a shitty wife).  If I go to the shower alone I need to lie all day as to why Sam isn't there (more guilt).  If we both skip the shower I know people will be disappointed and then I have to do more lying about why we BOTH aren't going. (wow, a big pile of guilt)  I'm sure it will all work out and as my friend Snick mentioned, we may be able to do an early morning IUI on Saturday.  Guess we'll deal with it if it happens that way.     

the wait goes on!

Well it is day 18 and no signs of ovulation so far. I am obsessing about the whole thing and taking both the digital and analog tests. I was taking both in the am but now have switched it up to taking the analog in the afternoon. I actually took an analog last night and both types this morning. All were negative so it is looking like my ovaries are not cooperating with the whole nh trip. Argh. Let's hope that if we get a positive tomorrow morning they can do an early morning iui on sat so we can go to the shower after. We continue to wait. All in all we both are feeling stressed about the whole process. I just want to get it started once we take the first step I will feel much better. Portia and Ellen better get their act together soon!

Paranoid much?

So this morning, even though it's only like day 10, SSG started using the OPK.  I sprung out of bed to take a look and it's not even close.  You couldn't even see the other line.  It's early so it's all good and we won't know it's early.  I think we're both so paranoid of missing it and losing another month that we wanted to start early.   Send your positive ovulation vibes!!

Portia and Ellen are now very relaxed

I have just returned from the spa after being buffed and wrapped and rubbed. I would say it was a success. I now sparkle with gold flakes. I spent my hour thinking fertile thoughts and telling my reproductive system to relax and to do its thing. I am now going to make lemon tarragon chicken for my thoughtful and beautiful wife. I am hydrating and feeling great. Hope everyone else had a great day too.

Happy Birthday Mimi!

Today was my mother in law's 60th birthday and we went up to NH to celebrate with family. It was a really nice afternoon, the food was great, and the weather was gorgeous. Here are some highlights.

The birthday girl.

Shazam and Matty play some ball.

Matty and Ben make a leaf pile...

..which Ben then jumped in.

Shazam and Matt.

Matty in action.

Matty and Bubba run a route

Allison poses for the camera.

Yum cake!


Allison puts on some candles.

Allison runs with balloons.

The whole family.

my wife rocks!

Yesterday I had the day off while the wife worked. She is used to it but it still sucks that she works so much more than me (not fair at all). I spent the day having lunch with my Mum and walking around the mall. I had planned to make a romantic dinner for us but I got stuck in a massive traffic jam on the way home so I made hamburgers and really bad french fries (sorry babe!). While we were eating dinner my wife asked what I would be doing on my next day off (Monday). I was planning on just hanging out at home but she suggested I do this:

Golden Artemisia Body Ritual
This exquisite body treatment is the ultimate indulgence for the senses; each phase immersing you in the delicate combination of golden mineral dust and extracts of the Artemisia flower-so named after the Greek Goddess who gathered the healing herb. Your sensorial journey begins with a gentle exfoliation and hot towel application. Next, a buttery, warm cocoon moisturizes and remineralizes every inch of your skin while your scalp and feet are massaged. When you emerge, gold-flecked body oil is massaged into your skin, which is then lightly dusted with luminous golden powder to reveal outer radiance, reflecting your inner beauty.

My dear wife made an appointment at the spa for me so that I could be as relaxed as possible going into the next few weeks leading up to insemination. I mean geeze could this woman be any better????? For god sake I will be in a buttery cocoon!!!!!! They will be rubbing my feet! I will be dusted with golden powder!

I love my wife because she takes such good care of me! Thanks shazam....I owe you a good dinner.

ps thanks snick for helping pick it out

Wedding Pictures

So I have nothing new to post so I thought I would bore you all with some pretty pictures of the the wife and I from our wedding. We loved our photographer and I spent many hours worrying about the fact that I am not photogenic and what they would look like. I was very happy with the results. Enjoy!

This is not a drill people!

When I first got my period at about age 16(I know it is late but I was a gymnast so I think I stunted my development) my mother sat me down to explain how getting my period was a "beautiful" thing since it meant I was able to have a baby and how wonderful the whole process is. I felt at the time that it was just gross. Over the past 2o years I have grown to tolerate getting my period and haven't thought much about the "beautiful process" my mother spoke about way back when. In reality I spent my early to mid 20s actively avoiding the process with a vengeance.( for those who don't know me in real life I was a bit of a late bloomer on the lesbian thing and didn't figure it all out until I was about 30)

So for the past 20 years my body has been going through what I will call fire drill fertility. Every month I would bleed and ovulate and all the other good stuff but the whole system has yet to be tested for real until this month. So my period started right on time last night and for the first time I really think of it as a beautiful thing! I have never been so excited to use a tampon in my life. So after the bleeding stops my body will be preparing my womb for a potential pregnancy. My ovaries will be stimulated to mature and release an egg. My fallopian tubes will pushing an egg or possibly a blastula towards my uterus. My uterus will be thickening so it is ready for implantation.

For the first time this month I could be making a baby! I hope every one remembers what they have been practicing in the drills.

You named them what??

To know me well is to know that I have a very odd sense of humor.  It's silly, it can be waaay out there, and honestly it's not very sophisticated.  I'm 100% okay with that.  I think any reason to laugh is good.  We don't do enough laughing in my opinion.  I'm fine sitting on the couch laughing to the point of tears while my wife looks at me in a confused way, wondering why I think something is so damn funny.  

I also tend to find a lot of humor in this process my wife and I will be going through of trying to have a baby.   It's not that I don't take it seriously because I do but there are times it's just comical.  Take last night for example.  We were in bed and SSG was reading a lesbian pregnancy book as I was reading over her shoulder.  At one point there was this section about how she should have a "relationship" with her cervix.  I'm sorry?  So is she supposed to chat with her cervix on a daily basis?  Now that is comedy.  At one point she also flipped to a page that had an awful sketch of a fat woman who was naked, with a speculum inserted, and a mirror in her hand.  Apparently she was checking out her inner girly parts.  I laughed out loud because first of all do women have like speculum's hanging around their home and why on earth does one need to see that? As my good friend said, "Your cervix is hidden for a reason".  Well said Snick.  

So in my goofiness, I have started to talk to SSG's ovaries and give them pep talks.  Sometimes I give a shout out to her uterus too.  I've even gone so far to name her ovaries.  Ellen and Portia. They'd be so flattered.  Why do you ask?  Because it's just funny.  It's goofy. It's odd.  It's silly.  I'm all for silliness and I like to think it keeps things loose and SSG relaxed.

 

Yesterday

Yesterday was one of those endless days. It is my own fault, but still it was long. I had a field trip and had my usual nanny gig until 6 last night. No biggy since I get paid on Thursdays so it is always fun to walk out with a wad of cash in my pocket. Well about a month ago I told the woman I nannied for this summer that I could watch her kids last night. So I left job # 1 to go to job #2 and after went to job #3. By the end of the night I was toast and thank goodness my wife was there to make me some mac and cheese (boy am I classy). I also got to snuggle with a baby, so I enjoyed that.

Today we are watching a video. I know, great teacher huh? In my defense it is a video that is totally content related and the kids will be doing a project on their notes so I am not a complete slacker.

So since the kids are watching a video I can recap yesterday's field trip. Apart from being a long day yesterday it also had a few adventures. My team went to the Minute Man National Park to learn about the revolution. I have been several times and it is pretty cool. There is a nice video about the events that lead to that "shot heard round the world" and it was a beautiful fall day so the small hikes were really nice and pretty. We had two buses so one group started at the North bridge and the other (mine) started at the visitor's center. The adults on my bus included the social studies teacher, the ELL teacher, two special ed teachers, and myself. The other included the math teacher, the English teacher, three special ed aides, and the gym teacher. I was surprised to find that that I was on the bus with the social studies teacher. As the two most experienced teachers on the team it would make sense to break us up. Since I knew there were some directions  to get to all the stops of this trip I was worried about the other bus getting where it needed to go. Since my friend Jen was the bus leader and she can't find her way out of a pickle jar I had a right to worry, and yes they got lost for a while but found their way somehow to the correct place eventually. On the other hand I thought we were home free. Boy was I wrong.

We made it to the first stop no problem watched the video, took a short hike, and ate our lunch at the Paul Revere capture site then boarded the bus to go to our second stop. All was going well until our bus drove past the parking lot for the North Bridge, so we continued on looking for a place to turn around. If you are not from the area the national park is located in Concord, MA and the road we were on was a typical, long, narrow road with lots of blind turns. Not a place to try to turn around a bus. So we drove for a couple of miles and the bus driver passed several places to turn around(like a bloody school!) but no, he spies a private drive and a field. So down the private drive we went and on to the field. It had rained buckets the day before and the field had standing water...thus a quagmire that we quickly got stuck in. So after trying to get ourselves unstuck by spinning the tires and digging ourselves deeper in the muck we got all the kids off the bus. After a few more attempts with the empty bus we started to get creative. Good thing there was a marine (the social studies teacher) and a lesbian to take control of the situation (the bus driver was no help). So the marine started gathering large branches to try to get the wheels to catch on. No luck with that.  I knew what we really needed were a couple of 2x10s and a tractor. Luckily we were in farm country so off to the farm across the street to procure some supplies the lesbian went. I returned with the farmer, a tractor, and a chain. In a matter of ten minutes the farmer had our bus unstuck and after a quick stop at the house which owned the field, we were on our way again. We got back to our missed stop and had an abbreviated tour of the site with a very nice man dressed as a minute man costume carrying a real musket.

On the way back to the bus a student turned to me and said "This was the best field trip ever!" "Why?" I asked. She replied "We got to see a tractor, there were really cool toilets at the visitor center, and the guy shot a gun!"

So what did the kids learn on this trip? Well, I think they learned a little bit about the Revolution but a whole lot about how to be a good human being. When I got to the farm I was greeted by two women who asked immediately "Do you have a bus stuck in the field?, How can we help/" No rolls of the eyes about the city slickers not knowing to stay off a wet field with a bus or telling me they were busy. Just a plain offer of help. They called the farmer on the walkie talkie and he immediately stopped what he was doing and drove his tractor up to help us. He grabbed a chain and fixed the problem. No questions asked and no anger at ruining his field. He just helped.

I have been thinking about this since it happened and talked to my kids about it today (before we watched the movie). How many times have I been asked to help and it wasn't convenient so I bowed out? How much better would the world be if we all just dropped what we are doing and helped people when they needed help? So we talked about good karma and paying it forward in my class today.

If they heard my message maybe I am not such a crappy teacher after all.

ANY day but the 24th!!

Just a side note from the other half...everyone needs to send us good vibes that a positive ovulation does not happen on Friday the 24th!!  We have a baby shower for my cousin in the middle of nowhere New Hamphire at 1:00 on the 25th so I don't see how we would be able to do an insemination.  Pleeeeease no positive test on the 24th!   

The Waiting Game

So now that the September cycle is over (really before it started) I am starting to think ahead for next month. So for all those folks playing along at home....I should start my period on October 6th which means that I should start using the opk on October 18th. I should be ovulating between day 16-19 so that would place a positive op test between October 21-24th. Then the two week wait will begin. If all goes well and the swimmers swim, find the egg and then the egg travels down the fallopian tube and implants (a lot to do but I have faith in the little bugger) then I should know if I am pregnant by the beginning of November. So now that I have laid this plan out so nicely I am sure it will all go to shit. At least it gives me a plan and something to keep me busy in the hurry up and wait life Shazam and I have just entered.

So now I am really putting the cart before the horse. How long does one wait to tell people IRL (in real life)? I am sure that if we succeed we will be posting away on here but when to tell the family and how? All thoughts are welcome. How long did you wait/will you wait?

Oh and a note: Many people use cute little abbreviations on message boards and blogs as I have done above. While I will be using some like opk (ovulation predictor kits) since it is just so long to type, I will refrain from some of the "cutesy" ones popular on many of the fertility sites. For example, my period has never and will never be referred to as "af" or "aunt flo". I mean really people. Are we all still in 7th grade and can't use the really words for things? Additionally if I test to determine if I am pregnant I will not be telling you that I "POAS" or "peed on a stick". I will be taking a pt or pregnancy test. I think this blog is already covering enough of my bodily functions. Do you really need me to tell you how I will conduct the previously mentioned test? Ok, Ok, I have used "spermcicles" in the past but hell I needed to make it seem more exciting than male haploid cells that have been separated from seminal fluid and cryo preserved for use in intrauterine insemination.

Perspective

Ah, perspective.  It's one of those things that I think we could all use from time to time.  I know it's something I certainly need.  I'm one of those people unfortunately that is inside my noodle a lot, stressing about...well you name it.  I get wrapped up in what don't have or what I want to have or get discouraged about what I know I'll never have.  It's not one of my better qualities and causes me to lose sleep often, but it's just me.  So from time to time, I need perspective and often remind myself it's all just "stuff".  "Stuff" doesn't buy you happiness.  I think it's just so easy to get wrapped up in what you don't have and feel like in some way you've failed.  

Well my perspective came from my wife this morning in an e-mail letting me know she went to a local Dunkin' Donuts to get coffee.  It's a little bit of what I would call a "sketchy" DD in an area that I would say isn't economically thriving (ok, so what IS right now in our economy?!).  SSG was in line to order and apparently there was a woman, probably homeless, asking people to buy her coffee and asking the DD workers for coffee.   All the woman wanted was coffee and everyone was ignoring her or saying "no".  It's true she could have been an alcoholic or had a drug problem and I know some people refuse to help people like that because they don't want to contribute to the habit....but....the woman just wanted a $2.50 fucking cup of coffee!  Not surprisingly, my wife who has a huge heart bought her a large cup of coffee.  It's one of the reasons I love her so much.  She's just good people.

So while I get discouraged that I can't provide a house for my family and that we can't go on fancy vacations every year, we do have a nice apartment, we have jobs, we have a great marriage, and great families.  We can go out and buy coffee and that is a good dose of perspective. 

Beginnings

This seems to be the season for beginnings with our friends of late and I guess for us too. This whole process of making our family grow has gotten me really thinking about how great it is that as humans we get to start over again in big and in small ways every day, every season, every year.

Our good friend Jen is just beginning a new chapter in her life today. It is her Birthday which is exciting but even more exciting is that she went to court today to sign her divorce papers. While many might think that may be the worst way to spend her birthday it does allow her to have a fresh start for her new year and one that she truly deserves. So it is the end of manipulation, abuse, thievery and the fear. So Jen gets to begin again with the all the possibilities that she can imagine. She is stronger than she ever thought she could be and in the end she won because she gets to begin her new life knowing that she always stayed true to who she is deep down in her soul. So cheers to you Jen and for everyone who is brave enough to begin again.

Who would have known it.

I think that my wife is a better blogger than I am. While I started the blog Shazam has certainly taken to blogging and I am so glad that she has. Since this blog is now about expanding our little family I think it is important to get the full story from both the mommies.

****************************************************************************************

Since we are in a holding pattern for the next 30 days we have been nesting like crazy. To date we have organized the bathroom cabinet, bought a new hallway cabinet and desk, cleaned out the closet in the extra bedroom and cleaned out our extra clothes and put away our summer clothes. While this is some good progress we still need to tackle the front hall closet and the storage in the laundry room. Shazam has also started a very large project that will probably take up until the birth of our first child to complete...the organization of her sports card collection. When we started dating I soon found out that Shazam collected cards. I thought it was cute and often picked up a pack or two as a small gift. It was not until we were moving in together that I learned the full extent of Shazams collection. There are thousands of cards in the collection. So in preparation of turning the crap room into a nursery we need to find a better way to store the cards. So Shazam has started the sorting and culling process. So more than any of our other projects we have started thus far. This one feels like we are getting closer to switching the crap room into the nursery of our dreams. Perhaps this collection will pay for baby X's college education.

Ok, now THAT freaked me out...

So now that there won’t be any baby-making talk for a little while, I’m sorry to say all of our 3 readers will need to listen to my babble about whatever. Though I think that is what blogging is right?

You know how you have those moments in life when something happens that make you appreciate what you have? Well I had one of those moments today. Don’t worry, nothing bad happened but boy did it scare the crap out of me! SSG and I were in bed this morning and I was trying to get my lazy ass out of bed to go play basketball. As we were lying there in our sleepy state a very loud alarm went off in the apartment. We hopped out of bed and realized it was the carbon monoxide detector going off. SSG pulled it out of the wall to check it out and to make it stop. It was then that we realized it was also an “explosive gas” detector. Explosive gas??!! As in my apartment could blow up??! It was a bit unsettling as you can imagine. We opened windows and checked things out. We didn’t smell anything so I got ready to go. I didn’t feel all that comfortable leaving my family 15 minutes after an explosive gas was sensed, but SSG didn’t seem worried so off I went…of course not before I made sure she knew how much I loved her. I’m not someing that makes everything a catastrophe by any means but bad shit happens. It’s not cynical, it’s just honest and well, true.

As I drove to play basketball all I kept thinking about was how good I had it. I have a great marriage and have someone that loves me unconditionally. I come home every day from work and every single time she’s excited to see me. I felt grateful. Now as someone who for whatever reason feels the need to put on a tough façade, being mushy isn’t always easy. SSG makes me sappy and I’m okay with that. She makes me feel like I don’t have to be this stoic, tough person ALL of the time.

I played, drove home, and was so happy to see my wife in kitchen making stew (yum!), Darwin the hound at her feet in case any scraps fell, and Drew the Devil kitty on top of the kitchen cabinets supervising from above.